I am the mom of teenage boys. If you read this magazine with any regularity you already know this. This story is not true but I really wish it was.

I am a BAD MOM. I make my kids clean their rooms, participate in sports, get good grades, make their own lunches, and (my worst crime) make them leave their friends to go on vacation (gasp). I wish I lived in a house where I paid no rent, made no meals, and had no chores to do. Then I remembered mommy jail.

 

Mommy jail is where BAD MOMS, like myself, are sent for their crimes. Mommy jail has yoga and Lattes and hot showers and no one yelling at you through the bathroom door that you moved their whatever, and you need to come help them find it immediately. Here is the thing about mommy jail…no time off for good behavior. If you are good you get to stay. If you fight, wear clothes with stains on it from your children, don’t  leave your hair in a pony tail, or don’t sleep 12 hours,then they send you back home.

 

Mommy jail is my happy place. I fantasize about that moment when the mommy police come to the house and hear my litany of sins, as compiled by my teen sons. They then take me by the hand and lead me off to mommy jail. As we arrive at mommy jail my stained clothing from taking out the garbage, washing the dishes and making dinner are taken and designer duds of the softest material are handed over. Slippers so cushy that you sink into them up to your ankles and clothes that look like a designer suit but feel like sweats and a tee shirt…maybe feel like yoga pants. Yes Yoga pants. Because everyone at mommy jail is relaxed and happy and can do the downward dog and exalted warrior. Breakfast, lunch, AND DINNER magically appear right when I begin to feel hungry. Nail polish never chips and mani pedi’s are mandatory weekly. I never have to stop watching Bravo to run a forgotten lunch to school or pick up a sick child that will puke in my car.

 

Ahhh mommy jail. How I love thee.

 

 

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About The Author

My kids are finally all in High School. One is driving. I am FREE! I want to discover all there is to do and be now that the vomit diapers and carpool are over. Let the ADVENTURE begin!

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